I'm not a mummy

Sometimes I feel theres a "secret club", I'm not invited, the doors been slammed in my face, I don't have the essential ticket to get in.....a baby. I'm not a mum, I don't get up 6 times in the night, I don't change nappies, I don't know what to do about nappy rash. I'm excluded. A bystander, I smile and tell them there baby is the most gorgeous baby I've seen. Its a lie, I know my baby will be......thats if I ever get one.

I want a baby so badly that I'm falling apart

I want this baby more than anything in the World.

My husband is being "sensible" and says that as we've had a change in circumstances, baby isn't a good idea right now. I'm dying inside. I don't want to admit he is right, things could work out in the end.....they always do.

I want us to be a happy family. Is that too much to ask?

Whats going on?

I'm 3 days late, I've done 3 tests and they've all been negative.
So much for the 2 week wait. At this stage, I just need an answer, so much so, that I'd even welcome AF, obviously a baby would be more welcome. I can't stop wondering what if?

New Year

New year, new life, new baby?

Fingers crossed.